Sunday Night

I worked at my mom's after church. The kids could have come, but they seemed to want to just sit and watch tv and not eat lunch. I got a lot done for work. Then we watched Mystery Theater or whatever it's called. Lots of guessing for a dumb ending. Left when it was drizzling, came home in pouring rain to a door closed and locked, no light. They thought it was open and were sorry. I get inside, all windows open, all lights on. Grrrr. Seems like only MOMS notice if rain is pouring in windows. Dustin is asleep and the rest are watching Dogs & Cats TWO. I refused to watch ONE. I am in the beach back porch and listening to Doc Watson and the rain coming down. Kitty is on the ledge, hanging out with me. And yes, looking at my laptop, seeing what is up with the newlyweds and such. Snacked on a nice, juicy pear. I love summer. Tomorrow it will get cooler, but I will like that, too.

Why Journal?

All my journals say the same thing, over and over.
I have lots of books, but even more magazines. I don't read them because I need to respond to what I read or I have a mental overload. But while I have my moments of clarity, I think I will read all this stuff.
You ought to see all the great cookbooks I have, and I hardly cook. I prepare food, but that is about it. I WANT to cook and make cool and healthy things to eat, but I don't.
What I DO do, is arrange,
organize,
sort,
purge,
set up,
clean,
photograph,
share,
teach,
occasionally inspire,
motivate,
encourage,
improve,
want.
I want to work out, but I don't.
I have a hard time thinking clearly.
I hate my clothes, most of them,  mostly because they don't reflect my taste. I am bothered on a daily basis that I am overweight as much as I am, but I don't take action.
I am very busy doing nothing important, until I am under pressure. Then, don't bother me. I will be busy doing unimportant things for quite awhile, and then I have very little time left to do what is important, so I am under pressure. I end up generally pleased with what I did under pressure, so I think I can do that at any time.
Then I don't. All this brings a pile of shame and discouragement after awhile, and I feel stupid. I seriously wonder who I am and what I am about anymore, but that is not a bad thing. I figure it helps us to get to those painful points now and then, because if we are sick enough of ourselves, we change. I just wish I would change faster.

Gotta go now.