Saturday, June 29, 2013

This, Not That

I seem to be running on someone else's schedule, doing someone else's To Do List. I missed my shower 2 days straight because I've been on my knees cleaning the floor in the kitchen-- the kids did most of the scrubbing, but I waxed, moved out units of cupboards, appliances, carts, etc. and we cleaned under, sides, etc. really well. I broke the big picture window's second pane. Des put in screens and washed the side windows. The only thing left is the hutch.
This is not what I planned on doing this week, but since a bag of potatoes was hidden under the onions under the sink they turned to mush and we had fruit flies. We had no idea what was causing the fruit flies until this big Kitchen Cleanup happened. It is one of those things I do every year, but missed last year. It really needed it and I would not have done it yet but Gene got the kids involved and it was in motion.
The cat was catching mice in the back yard-- I could hear the squeaking. Hopefully it was shrews. In most cases I would freak out, but I am too tired. To top it off, one got in the house. It's in my room.
I am going to take a shower now. I hope the cat finds it and I can sleep well...
squeak!!!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

End of Spring

It's been a lovely spring, really. Not for other states, perhaps, but in our area, very nice.
I divided up my gardening and had the kids more involved this year. Last year, we were not home much and it had to be one of the worst years for gardening anyways, with the horrid heat and lack of rain. This year, we have had refreshing, dry days with blue skies and puffy white clouds. Every few days we get a good rain, so the weeds have been easy to pull. My  hands are sore and in the morning, it's hard to bend my fingers.
I am not saying we have had things planted in neat little rows since May. I've only planted a dozen sunflower seeds so far. We have about 5 plants 6 inches high. Two of their heads have been eaten off already. Most of my hostas are looking ragged, since this is the first year we've had the deer right up to the house as well as lounging in the back. I like this year in the yard because I've not been so alone and because I am allowing myself to enjoy it and FINISH it. I just wish we had money for more soil and lots of mulch.
Today I thought about how nice it is to be at ground-level with the plants and to hear the sounds of birds, leaves moving, the sound of pulling or clipping plants. The colors and smells are so nice.
I will probably plant all my seeds. Some are from this year, some from other years. I don't care- what do I  have to lose? I have no idea if the deer like pumpkins and squash, spinach, and the rest, but I will find out.

Friday, June 07, 2013

Not liking it

I live a half-life.

If everything on your to-do list has to do with what you did not finish yesterday, last week, last year, last decade, you are not much in today. That is what is nice about having kids-- they force you into today's list. I am tempted to rush through it to "catch up," but I know it is no good. So I slog along with hair unkempt, socks unmatched, laundry undone, checkbook unbalanced, food unchopped, floor dirty, calls unmade, letters unwritten-- and carry the guilt and shame with me everywhere I go.
I am just doing something wrong. Still fat, still broke, still tired, still not been to Europe, still lonely. Yes, I am doing many more things right. And I do give so much of my time away. I've been working on my church anniversary slide show for 3 days. Gave up some sunny days out in the garden. Missed weeks of workouts. Trying to catch up with my teaching jobs, which are bringing in less than expected. Spend so much time driving people around, going to things at school, errands, etc. I have little time for work that makes money. Gee one more thing to feel bad about.