Stepmothering Part II

We recently took in our nieces 3 children ages 6, 8 & 10. This is the 3rd or 4th time they had been "offered" to us; this is the first time their mom actually gave them to us for daily care, other than when she was shipped out to help with Katrina cleanup for a month.
More on this later, as I am so tired! It is 12:30 am and we started early.

Addendum

Shortly after I wrote about my beloved former co-workers, I attended the vistation at the funeral home for one of them, Bruce Jablonski. It is possible that Bruce passed on the very day I was writing. He was not seen for a little while, his neighbor noticed this, and then he was found in his house when his brother came to see. Bruce was only 57.
I know we fell out of contact for a couple reasons, one being the fact that I was layed off and we no longer worked together. Another would be that I got married around the same time, so I was kind of busy and distracted. We usually had pretty good conversations. He was very talented, and was kind of a recluse. He played banjo, the "Kingston Trio" kind of thing, was a good painter and illustrator, and loved to cook. He took roasting a chicken very seriously.

With Whom Do You Work?

I worked at one place for twelve years. It was a department in a large company, and we occupied half the 6th floor of an office tower. The amazing thing about this art department was how the people in the group seemed to all get along. The sharing and friendship was great. We spent time visiting, attended weddings, had great parties and back rubs and shoulders to cry on were not unusual. I and many others give credit to the people in charge, Larry and Lou, for knowing who to hire. It was a special place and time, and until the company fell upon bad times, we stayed together. I was one of the first layoffs, over 8 years ago. Now, a department of about 60 is down to only a few. Some retired, some died, others we've never seen again, and several of us are still in touch to this day. I freelanced a bit, had some longer stints, but nothing has ever compared to working at Penton. I worked at one place for almost 3 years, and that was a nightmare of screaming, gossip, anger, and wasted energy. It never got better. After 3 years of more freelancing, I got a job at a really good company. They do everything right. I am so impressed with the place. What amazes me, though, is that some women, even though there for almost 20 years, seem to be no closer to each other than acquaintances. Even worse, they can be so cold and amazingly unfriendly and close-minded. The men in my department seem to be much more human. I am happy with the company, okay with the work, but it is a weird experience to have to work at someplace so different than Penton. You would think that if you spent most of your time at a place, you would try to make it as pleasant an environment as possible, but I guess that is not the way it is everywhere.

here it is

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We are getting old

We hope to move to the Smokies one day. Gene is learning banjo and I started watching NASCAR. We ought to be ready soon. These are our neighbors-to-be, I hope.

I just love this

White and Nerdy

Can it really be March already?

Life has changed quite a bit since I work full time outside the home now. It is good, but different. I miss blogging, but I will get back to it eventually, just like weight lifting, cooking, cleaning, reading, traveling, etc. I must think I will live to 500 or something.

Drippy Saturday

Not blogging much because I found fulltime work.
We have an abundance of birds in the back today. When you open the door, it sounds like a jungle. I am not sure what most of them are, but there are large bunches of blue jays out there. It is like watching heavy traffic outside the kitchen window.
The rest of 2006 will probably go quickly. As soon as Halloween was over, the Christmas music started playing on the intercom at the stores. The decorations are so bright and beautiful, I like going to the stores at this point. I think I get more excited about Christmas now, than when it arrives. But I ramble. Gotta leave for work now.

She Who Makes No Sense

On Father's Day, 2001, 2 of my 3 stepchildren were packed into their mother's car and moved out of state, without warning, legality, communication or reason. When my husband went to pick them up for their summer visitation, he found their trailer empty. The youngest had just turned 10, the middle child was about to turn 12. The oldest child, was about to turn 14, lived with us, but was not even given a chance to say goodbye to his siblings or mother.
What do you do when this happens? First instinct is to call the police. The reply from the police is to call your lawyer. What if you don't have one? What if you would like to hire one but live 3 counties over from the courthouse you have to use? What if no one in your area wants to practice out there? Who do you trust when all the references you are given are local? What good does hiring a lawyer do when you feel your children are kidnapped? Who has time to shop for lawyers at a time like that? And, if you do find one, how will you pay for it?
In the meantime, where are your children? Will they call? Will they write? Do they need help? Will the stepfather that drove your oldest son off now be abusing the other two? Who cares about this problem? Who can help? If something illegal was done, who can help and how soon?
Well, we got a lousy lawyer. He was no help at all. He did next to nothing. The mother of these children simply got away with what she was doing by not being compliant. The judge ordered certain things, and she simply did not do them. Who was to prosecute her several states away?
Now it is 6 years later. The oldest, who went through great depression and healing, is now in college. The middle one has graduated early from High School, from what we hear. The youngest is mentally ill. The children were told, as the car was driving off from their old town, into their new, that they ought to forget their father and their brother-- they have a new life now. They were moved from one school to another (at least 6 schools in 5 years) and one living place to another, and this from a woman who claimed her ex-husband did nothing but move. She Who Makes No Sense also hops from one job to another, and this is also from a woman who claimed her ex-husband could not hold down a job. In reality, he's lived in the exact same place for the past 8 years and worked at the same place for 6. She Who Makes No Sense seems to think that whatever she has a problem with is not a problem. She simply projects what she does onto her ex-husband, and claims he does it.
Which leads us to today. Today she decided that it was her ex-husband's fault that her youngest was in the mental institution. Yet, it was SWMNS who decided to move these children away from their father, with whom they had a very good relationship. She has imagined that their father begged and bargained to have these kids move back, but in reality, nothing was brought up about the subject: he had so little time to visit with them on the phone, he would not bring those things up-- only what the children were up to in their lives and how school was. If the children made these other stories up, she has based her actions on these imaginings only. SWMNS seems to blame everything on a man who has not even had access to these children in several years. Even when she was in town, she had a way of acting as if crimes were committed against her hours ago, when in reality, she and her ex-husband had no contact.
It is our dream that the children will call, come to see us, and open up communication. My theory is that it is too much for a child to have to balance the two parents' personalities in their minds and that they simply settle for one, for survival's sake. As long as they try to pretend the other does not exist, they don't have to be in pain about missing their dad. I also believe that because the mother's personality is so strong and controlling, they simply want to please her and make up stories about things that never happened, especially conversations they never had.

For the Dedicated Couch Potato

You Want One

Giant Cement Birds

What a good idea

When will it change?

Mixed feelings

Well, we all have different feelings about this dreadful anniversary-- dreadful because we wish we did not have to commemorate ANYONE getting murdered by people flying things into buildings-- we wish they were ALL STILL WITH US-- But an Anniversary to be Observed, nonetheless. I am one of those people who will sit and listen to each name read, as long as it takes, although I did not have cable to do that for me this year. But each family has immeasurable pain, some with healing, some not. What I think about are the "in-between" people: partners who were not married and cannot participate in benefits or ceremonies, people who were severely injured and are suffering daily, people who still have not been able to find a single sign of their loved ones-- I think of you often and offer prayers for you, not just today, but during the year.
The NY victims seem to be focused on more than all the other locations of victims-- why the media does this is more likely a case of being right on the scene than for any other reason, but I bet some people feel forgotten.
I noticed the people who would rather forget are those who were at Ground Zero immediately, and could not let themselves leave, not even for a day. The smell of death and the images of horror are still fresh in their minds and they try hard to forget, daily.
Then there are those so far away from the locations, who are now fearful, suspicious and nervous about life. Next to them, we have those folks who are nearly obsessed with the attacks, and wear t-shirts, buy coins, photos, plates, statues, etc. that remind them and keep the crisis alive.
It is very encouraging to see the amazing healing and peace of many Survivors. I am always glad to see people who have been able to get to this point when they have the commemoration on TV.
I wish our global view had changed more in the media, but it has not. We still hear less about those overseas than about pop stars and their divorces. If you want to find out what is going on anywhere, it seems you have to watch BBC news and do your web homework. It does not help the general mentality of the country, though, to be still separate from the rest of the world. The event could have been a great springboard to intelligent reporting, but I guess not. Why can't they get it??
Personally, it is hard to believe the whole thing happened. I taped what was on TV for the first 4 days or so, but never watched them again. I saved it for "posterity." I saved magazines, did screengrabs, etc. but it is so hard to get around this horrible thing.

Kinda Recent Sketches

I made these on July 23rd.

Back to Blogging

Sometimes it is too nice out to blog much or be on the computer! Along with that, we went on a vacation to Kankakee, to visit my cousin and her husband, which was fantastic! A sampling of what we did:
Italian Cuisine at Uncle Joe's
Mariachi Monday at La Mex in Joliet





Tiki Night in their back yard






Birthday cruise on Maureen's pontoon on the river
as well as
a delicious homemade chocolate cake







Chicago style pizza, A fun night at Turtle Tap,









Fairy Night -- we attempted to make fairies for toadstools, but were not as familiar as we needed to be with using polymer and molds, but we did okay!
Chicago & Navy Pier, Rainforest Cafe,




the ferris wheel,





some putt-putt, a boat ride to see the skyline,





a train ride to get back!
Relaxing, junk-shop review, Chinese food, homemade chicken and dumplings, lots of sparkling and lite-up surprises, and a very fun house and yard.







I simply have the best cousin in the world and we both are blessed with really wonderful husbands.

You Don't Need a Lump to have Breast Cancer

There is more than one kind of breast cancer.
We have been taught and are reminded frequently by public service announcements and by the medical community that when a woman discovers a lump on her breast she should go to the doctor immediately.

If you don't have time to read the rest of this, please see this video of a news report on it (click on The Silent Killer).

Inflammatory Breast Cancer usually grows in nests or sheets, rather than as a confined, solid tumor and therefore can be diffuse throughout the breast with no palpable mass. The cancer cells clog the lymphatic system just below the skin. Lymph node involvement is assumed. Increased breast density compared to prior mammograms should be considered suspicious.

You Don't Have to Have a Lump to Have Breast Cancer.
Some women who have inflammatory breast cancer may remain undiagnosed for long periods, even while seeing their doctor to learn the cause of her symptoms. The symptoms are similar to mastitis, a breast infection and some doctors, not recognizing IBC, will prescribe antibiotics. If a response to antibiotics is not apparent after a week, a biopsy should be performed or a referral to a breast specialist is warranted.

Age 52:
Median age at time of diagnosis of IBC ... versus,
Age 62: Median age at time of diagnosis of Breast Cancer.

A surprising portion of young women with IBC had their first symptoms during pregnancy or lactation. The misconception that these young women are at lower risk for breast cancer and the fact that IBC is the most aggressive form of breast cancer may result in metastases when the diagnosis is made.

One or more of the following are
Typical Symptoms of IBC:

• Swelling, usually sudden, sometimes a cup size in a few days
  
• Itching
  
• Pink, red, or dark colored area (called erythema) sometimes with texture similar to the skin of an orange (called peau d'orange)
  
• Ridges and thickened areas of the skin
  
• What appears to be a bruise that does not go away
  
• Nipple retraction
  
• Nipple discharge, may or may not be bloody
  
• Breast is warm to the touch
  
• Breast pain (from a constant ache to stabbing pains)
  
• Change in color and texture of the aureole
  

View pictures showing common presentation of some of these symptoms.

Read what patients write about their own symptoms prior to diagnosis.

View a 4:23 minute video about IBC shown on NBC5 in Chicago.

Thank you to my sister for passing this info on to me from IBCRESEARCH.ORG.

I HATE Grackles-- They are EVIL

I usually love to watch the birds in the birdhouse outside the kitchen window. Each year they carefully build their little home and lay some eggs. In no time, we have cute little baby birds cheeping away, sticking their big mouths out each time a parent bird shadows the opening of the nest to feed them. So far this spring and summer, this has happened three times. Not once have we seen a fledgling, because the evil, awful, sinister, creepy, disgusting and noisy grackles, raid the nest, kidnapping and killing the baby as it thinks its mother is back with a snack. Now, on our third round of births, we have one baby left, and I for one, would like to sit out by the bird box to protect it from the time the sun comes up, until all are asleep for the night. I cringe to walk out in the yard to find the babies who have been murdered by these awful birds. So far I've found one, half-alive, one in the garden and one in the fountain. It is really spoiling my backyard nature experience. You could claim, that this is how nature works, but I won't buy it. These hoodlums are imports from way back, and don't fit into our ecosystem. (The same is the case with the sparrows they are killing, but the sparrows are cute). We are supposed to be enjoying bluebirds, goldfinches, jays, cardinals, etc., but you can hardly find them. We are overrun with these others. Instead of waking to the sounds of cardinals and chickadees, I hear the awful sounds of the grackles, and jump out of bed to chase them away. I realize this is crazy, and very likely ridiculous, but you know what? I HATE THOSE BIRDS.

This is all you get

Destiny did not want to smile for the picture, as she was not all that happy.