Monday, October 23, 2006

She Who Makes No Sense

On Father's Day, 2001, 2 of my 3 stepchildren were packed into their mother's car and moved out of state, without warning, legality, communication or reason. When my husband went to pick them up for their summer visitation, he found their trailer empty. The youngest had just turned 10, the middle child was about to turn 12. The oldest child, was about to turn 14, lived with us, but was not even given a chance to say goodbye to his siblings or mother.
What do you do when this happens? First instinct is to call the police. The reply from the police is to call your lawyer. What if you don't have one? What if you would like to hire one but live 3 counties over from the courthouse you have to use? What if no one in your area wants to practice out there? Who do you trust when all the references you are given are local? What good does hiring a lawyer do when you feel your children are kidnapped? Who has time to shop for lawyers at a time like that? And, if you do find one, how will you pay for it?
In the meantime, where are your children? Will they call? Will they write? Do they need help? Will the stepfather that drove your oldest son off now be abusing the other two? Who cares about this problem? Who can help? If something illegal was done, who can help and how soon?
Well, we got a lousy lawyer. He was no help at all. He did next to nothing. The mother of these children simply got away with what she was doing by not being compliant. The judge ordered certain things, and she simply did not do them. Who was to prosecute her several states away?
Now it is 6 years later. The oldest, who went through great depression and healing, is now in college. The middle one has graduated early from High School, from what we hear. The youngest is mentally ill. The children were told, as the car was driving off from their old town, into their new, that they ought to forget their father and their brother-- they have a new life now. They were moved from one school to another (at least 6 schools in 5 years) and one living place to another, and this from a woman who claimed her ex-husband did nothing but move. She Who Makes No Sense also hops from one job to another, and this is also from a woman who claimed her ex-husband could not hold down a job. In reality, he's lived in the exact same place for the past 8 years and worked at the same place for 6. She Who Makes No Sense seems to think that whatever she has a problem with is not a problem. She simply projects what she does onto her ex-husband, and claims he does it.
Which leads us to today. Today she decided that it was her ex-husband's fault that her youngest was in the mental institution. Yet, it was SWMNS who decided to move these children away from their father, with whom they had a very good relationship. She has imagined that their father begged and bargained to have these kids move back, but in reality, nothing was brought up about the subject: he had so little time to visit with them on the phone, he would not bring those things up-- only what the children were up to in their lives and how school was. If the children made these other stories up, she has based her actions on these imaginings only. SWMNS seems to blame everything on a man who has not even had access to these children in several years. Even when she was in town, she had a way of acting as if crimes were committed against her hours ago, when in reality, she and her ex-husband had no contact.
It is our dream that the children will call, come to see us, and open up communication. My theory is that it is too much for a child to have to balance the two parents' personalities in their minds and that they simply settle for one, for survival's sake. As long as they try to pretend the other does not exist, they don't have to be in pain about missing their dad. I also believe that because the mother's personality is so strong and controlling, they simply want to please her and make up stories about things that never happened, especially conversations they never had.