Delivery

This morning's reading stopped me in an unusual place, the second verse I read: "And the Lord said, Judah shall go up; behold, I have delivered the land into his hand."
I suspect it is an encouragement to me because it shows me a couple things. First, the Israelites asked God in verse one for wisdom and direction. That's good-- I do that. Then they got a direct answer that showed that God had it already planned out and that they were going to win. That's good too. Seems kind of simple. Maybe it rings true to me because I can win already too, if I just listen and let God lead me in the battle. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J29dDffqitk&feature=related

Okay, Here is the Real Deal

Figuring hardly anyone sees this or reads it, I am going to just tell you why I am up at 3:30 this morning. I am up often at 3:30, but am telling you my thoughts this day, since I figure I won't get back to sleep soon anyhow. I just have too much on my mind. I will be using the word "I" much more than you are supposed to, but I don't care. 

I went to the doc in January because I have a soreness by my larynx that is really bothering me. At the same time, I had some super drainage in my sinuses, so I got a zpack from the doc. It took care of a LITTLE of the drainage. In a few days, I lost my job. I called a week later and the doc ordered more antibiotics for me. I was into that for maybe three days, and got appendicitis, went into the hospital and was on THOSE antibiotics, and went home. The day I entered the hospital was my last day of benefits. 

A few weeks later, I went in to see the doc again because my throat really is bothering me and on top of that, I got some weird little round thing on my knee, right next to the cap. It was squishy, so he said it was a lipoma and it was in an unusual place, you usually get those on your arm or something. Now it is not so squishy, not as small, and it bothers me all the time. It puts pressure on the knee and hurts my whole leg. My throat still hurts too. Every day. He told me the second time that sometimes the infection from the swollen glands will flow into that area and it might take awhile for it to clear up. 

In the meantime, I staved off the electric and gas bills and got on a plan. The gas bill is due on Wednesday. The rest of the mortgage is due on Tuesday. Gene will get paid for a big job he did today. It will be in check form and we will JUST make it for the mortgage, Lord willing. I don't know how I will manage the gas yet. 

I was supposed to contact welfare right away to tell them not to cancel our food card because I just lost my job. I did contact them, but I had to get info to another worker. I had to get my hands on the paperwork she needed. This took awhile. I got it, and still have to fax it. I will likely fax it after I finish typing. It's almost 5 am. So, in any case, we have no money for food now. The church gave us lots of stuff, and we have a lot of stuff left in the freezer, but I do  have to come up with milk and eggs and fruits. We will survive, but I am not sure how Gene thinks we will get the corned beef and cabbage for Thursday. Electric will be due next Friday. I've not even looked at the water/sewer bill yet, and the state is sending all sorts of collectors to get our back taxes. The medical bills are coming in. I have to pay for my Cobra dental and send that in. 

My church let me be in charge of the website. I had been involved for years, but nothing ever happened after all we did. It was left with me last July, and until we had the miserable summer we did, and then I left to go work in the job I just lost, I had no time to work on it. This made me feel just awful. The website was just taken away from me, but now they need stuff I have to give them yet, so we are nearly in the same spot. 

I have a funeral to go to this morning. Went to a service for another friend last Thursday. Japan is a mess. My basement is a mess. I am working on finding room and pitching stuff from the basement. I am doing okay with it, but it is a big job I want out of the way asap so I can MAKE stuff to sell on my Ebay and Etsy stores so I can bring in money. I am also not sleeping well, obviously, and this makes me all crazy during the day and crabby sometimes as well as foggy in my thinking. Or imbalanced, or both. Then it makes it hard to lose weight, another issue that bugs me daily. I LOOK AWFUL and am unhealthy. That thing on my knee is not getting better with all the extra weight. 

Gene and I could really use some time to ourselves. We don't get many dates, and if we ever do, it is just a movie and then everyone is back. We don't get out of town. Haven't done that since 2006 when we went to Chicago. 

I have great kids. I want to spend better time with them. I worry about Gene Jr., who is so isolated. I wonder how Josh is, who is away on duty. I wonder how Crystal is and if we will ever hear from her or meet her two babies. 

I have tons of stuff at Mom's to go through and throw out, sell or move. 

Dakota is in testing for ADD. I worry I don't work enough with the kids and their school work. I have been successful in ignoring their rooms. 

That is enough off my mind for now. Thank you for reading. I have a lot more, but it is not coming to the surface at the moment, so that is good. 

Too much for too long makes you too crazy