Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Taking My Self Seriously

How can I learn to see myself as an artist if I don't make much of it?
Is my purposeful, planned artwork somehow more valuable than  my freeform, unplanned work? 
Why do I need order so much? Why do I insist upon it to begin my own work? Will I ever be able to work from home?
Do I have ADD and that is it?
Why have I not continued with my art? Why does everything else seem to go first?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

When Does the Fun Part Start?

Blogging is logging your feelings. Blathering + Logging, yes?
Today, my plan was to apply for a particular job and then wash the dishes. That would be a LOT of dishes, because we don't have hot water, so they get put off. To do them, we put a pot of water on the grill and haul it in. Gene did them all last weekend so I could get my work done on Etsy, something that took almost all week anyhow, and I hardly see any results.
Yet, I am not depressed, just kind of numb. Instead of accomplishing my plan, I finished cleaning Dakota's room. I started it awhile ago, left a pile, started again, left a pile. Got rid of the pile, decided to root through all their clothes and got rid of that pile, dragged out the ancient hard drive we will never hook up for them to use for school papers (do all parents think this will happen?), am going to part with the giant box of Hot Wheel tracks from 1969 and ran the vac. Found a few DSi games, and put his fan in since it  is going to be hot soon.
Dustin refereed 2 games and then stayed and played. He cleaned up his side and now has to vac. I told Desi to pick up everything because if we ever DID get a bedbug, they love clutter and floors. God forbid we ever get one, and the TV pics freak her out. The hallways was swept up to a point, and now I have to go through the Christmas stuff as well as Desi's clothing to see what we don't want. Good thing is, she is good at that now and does most of it herself.
So, I did not get to go work out and that means I did not take my shower, and the guys are not back from Mom's house and the party started 6 minutes ago.
There is always so much more to do. Will it ever end?