What's a Stepmother to Do?

Okay, I have a sleeping teen. I know that is not all that unusual, but c'mon, it is 1:20 pm.
My 'son (He's my stepson, but I will call him 'son for short; he DOES have a mother) came to live with us suddenly when he was 12-going-on-13, in the month of March, as he was in sixth grade (painful enough in itself). He went through a lot of emotional pain, got himself sick with it and missed a lot of school the first year with us. After that, I think he decided he could not afford to screw up school on account of someone else's craziness, so he focused on saving the justice system that caused all this. He went through the normal gawkiness, schoolkid cruelty and friend-making stuff for that age, and by the time he was in High School, he was pretty much focused on being an honor student and a senator or something. This all went along swimmingly for a few years, gaining trophies and certificates and getting to school early every day, ignoring girls and playing strategy games on the computer. Since he has a "curse" of winning most games he plays, I think things were going fine, until June of this year, when he attended a convention put on by the American Legion. There, he had to wheel and deal for Mayoral positions and offices and such. This wheeling and dealing did not go well; he learned he did not like it at all. All political aspirations went down the tubes.
Now, let me tell you, we did not steer him towards "politics." We had to tell him early on, not to tell people he wanted to be a "politician," but to say he wanted to work for Government. He dressed up in a suit and tie for church, while we were dressed quite casually. He is "clock" person, always wanting to know what time things are and he is rarely late, if ever.
Ever since he turned 18 this year, he has changed his persona probably about 3 times. After this experience with the Boy's State, he started working out, slimmed down, got a cell phone and started becoming interested in dating, really interested. He was interested in his TAN. Yikes! Then, he went out to Kansas to visit his mother, brother and sister for the first time since she took off with his siblings in 2001. He could show himself to be an honor student with a healthy bod and a cell phone. He was OKAY. Then he got back home and had no idea who he was anymore.
At this point, he stays up all night online with people we've never met (who knows if he has either?) and sleeps way, way, way too much. He decided he is not so smart and even wanted to just quietly go to a Kansas community college. (He's moved on from this idea, thankfully) He does not come downstairs much and hardly eats. Descriptions like this are usually ones that go with Drug Use, but that is not it; I think it's Depression. My sister, who's worked with youth for years says it is normal. Normal is one thing, but how about healthy? What do I do for him? So far, I feel what I can do is to continue to invade his space (lightly, with respect), pray for him, involve him as much as possible, keep checking on him and asking him how he is, but I feel like I need to do more.

Willow Creeker, Bono Pro/Con, Scary Christians, etc.

I just like so much on this blog (http://ktrayn78.blogspot.com/), I had to share it with you. I especially love the pickup from The Situation (Nice to see Christianity still scares (Tucker Carlson)) and of course, anyone who quotes Annie Dillard is a friend of mine.

This Year was Different

Even though so many things are still on my to-do list, things that have been on the list for years, there are some things that actually came out different. On the other hand, the reason things were different this year probably had more to do with circumstance and blessing, rather than anything I did.
- I worked outside (that is, I was employed outside) this spring, got to work in the sunshine and rain, with plants. If I could work outside most of the time it would be great.
- Life is really different now, since my dad left this world for the next one. I am not sure this has really come home to me yet, but I can tell you I sure miss talking to him and sitting at the breakfast table telling funny stories.
- I re-met two people this year. I met them and conversed with them for awhile before we realized we were classmates 30 years ago. It is so cool to see them today.
- I revamped my portfolio and resume a couple times, and actually feel much better about both.
- I made Christmas dinner. We had a party the day after that, too.
- I got out of town for a week.
- I had the best garden ever.
- My stepson is finally acting more his age (he had been acting much older than he is).
- I did more writing.
more when I think of it...

I know I've seen that coffee drinker before somewhere

I am so good at wasting time...
Click the link to pimp your own nutcracker.

Expectations

I have a recurring seasonal problem. In the spring, it happens right after Easter when drug stores push out all their pastel-wrapped candy and mass-produced "Welcome Spring" junk and replace it with extremely bright plasticware for your poolside parties and backyard barbecues. The illusion is that I will, by the time it is appropriate to use such things (yet a few months off in Cleveland), be slim, tan and sitting by the pool with my nails done and my cute children splashing nearby. This, of course, never happens. I am lucky if I even get to the pool more than twice and I don't have kids anyhow.
While I am realizing with sorrow that I did not have the summer of my expectations, spending the last few minutes of Labor Day at a pool somewhere, and doing my nails, the stores are already starting to stock their shelves with Fall Items. This would include lots of overpriced chunks of wax that smell like apple pie or caramel cookies and more mass-produced wreaths, this time with the word "Fall" stuck on in chunky wooden letters painted by people who do not speak English. I ignore most of this blather, knowing that in just a few weeks, the Christmas stuff will be on the shelves.
I approach this with caution, but it still sucks me in anyhow, and I let it happen. I shop alone, slowly walking through the quiet aisles, knowing that only a few of us are looking at this stuff yet. I want to see what the new thing is and try to remember what i have in storage. The vision I have is to actually be "ahead of the game this year" and have my cards go out on the day after Thanksgiving, have a party the second weekend of December and have plenty of extremely beautiful cookies baked, ready to eat and share. Hopes of this continue until around... NOW.
It is December 21st. The house is very decorated, very OVER-decorated. I have a Santa Station, a Silver and Gold window sill, a Rudolph Shelf, Snowman Center, Country Christmas Corner and, of course, a Nativity Scene. Outside are blinky lights, a wreath, 2 inflatables and some peppermint candies. No one drops by to see such things, but I enjoy them as do some of my family members and my niece and nephews.
But, that is it. We've only bought one gift, I just got my new oven so I did not start baking yet, I am excited about having company on Christmas Eve, Christmas and Boxing Day, but I am stressed about not being ready, so I am burning out. This means I am fighting a cold, which also means I am too tired to care or to make things work out.
On the other hand, what is there to work out, if you just view Christmas as the Feast of the Nativity? Nothing. You come as you are, and you prepare your heart and you expect God. This is, actually, much easier than all the other preparations, since it does not include "stuff." Just prepare Him room. The cookies don't matter anyhow.

What an angel

My little niece, Destiny, gets to be an angel in the Christmas play at our church. This is very exciting because she gets to wear a very beautiful satin and lace dress, a pair of wings and a tinsel halo. Little 6-year old girls -- most of them I know, anyhow, are really into this. Destiny is into it in a really big way because she is extremely fond of nativity scenes-- any of them, large, small, two and three dimensional, she loves them. She first exclaims, "Look! The Baby Jeeeesuss!!!!" She loves babies. Now Destiny gets to be a real part of this nativity scene, and there is nothing like it. To see God in such approachable form is the bomb! Tonight she went from carrying around a palm-sized manger with the Holy Family enclosed, to finding a large ceramic Nativity in the foyer of our church (one that she could get right up close and personal to, by design), to actually being IN and part of it-- wow. I am so grateful for these experiences. I am so grateful for each and every person who has gone way out of the way to put this together.

Wonderfalls is Wonderful

My brother sent me the Wonderfalls DVDs for Christmas. We've only watched the pilot so far, but we LOVE it! Why does all the good stuff get cancelled? At least Earl is still on!

List of denominations/churchs I've attended

Not like you really want to know, but I am a Lister.
1958-'65 Archwood Congregational/____ Congregational (now called UCC)
'65-'67 Brookside Baptist (best Sunday School program)
'67-'90 Mayfield United Methodist (the nicest people)
'90-'92 Parkside (big and "correct")
'93 Scranton Road Bible Church (way too far to drive)
'93-'97 Mayfield Free Methodist (a small country church right in the suburbs)
'97-'99 Fellowship Bible Church (I would still be here if it was not so far away)
'99-01 Assembly of God - Word of Grace (great people, really loud service)
'01- present Bethany Covenant Church

Also, during college I attended the Presbyterian, United Methodist and the Wesleyan Church. During times of stress when great contemplation is necessary I find an Episcopal church or I just go to the woods, any season. I've also been to house churches and have participated on a Taize team. One of my all-time favorite church buildings is the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine in NYC (http://www.stjohndivine.org/). I also got to look out my window at work and see St. John's downtown, where I could go in and pray at any time. My dad used to go into Old Stone Church for the same reason. During school I loved to go into Church of the Good Shepherd in Athens. I am so glad they chose to keep their doors unlocked. I love kneelers.

The thing I look for in a church is whether the people love each other and if they are doing something outside themselves for the community. It is also nice to avoid building projects at all costs. I hope to find a very poorly run gossip chain. I finally moved from one church when the pastor said, from the pulpit, that during his summer vacation he got to golf with a "non-Christian," and that it was the first time he had been around one for months. Sheesh! Like it's a novelty! I was at one church that gave out great "God hor's d'ouvres" but could not provide a thing for the older Christian. Most places I've been, probably all, have been full of human forgiven sinners, so I felt at home.

Another note to self

My Pastor has a blog, and...

he also has tickets for the U2 concert this weekend! How cool is that? I'll betcha too, that if you asked him if he would rather be greeted with Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, he would probably just be happy that he was greeted and respond accordingly.
(the green title above is a link)

Writing out in the open

I compare this blogging experience to living in the dorm at OU. It was always possible that someone could come up to your door, whether open or closed, and visit. Sometimes it was a card game, a walk uptown, time to go to the cafeteria, or just sitting around yammering in the hall or on your bed. I liked living in the dorm. I could express myself by what was on my walls and on my stereo and I liked being seen and known. It was simple and small-- there were no attics to go through or extra boxes. It made it so easy to come and go each day. There were people around all the time, so you could process almost everything you encountered. Of course, being an art major, I did not want to speed through that process since I was not so concerned about making money like a business major. I had this idea that I had something to say.
Now that I've been home for 24 years (which actually never really happens to Bobcats), I have too much stuff to say. I have a backlog of things I've started to read or plan to read and tons of art supplies. I have almost 50 years of photos, boxes of things meant to be made into scrapbooks, clothes that I, for some reason, think I will fit back into, WAY too much paper, images, books, magazines, dishes, bowls of rocks and shells, birdhouses, bottles, boxes, frogs, computers, monitors, pens, camping equipment, pet supplies, and somewhere around 43 screwdrivers.
There are some actual hoarders (http://www.discover.com/issues/oct-04/departments/psychology-of-hoarding/) in my family, and I have come close to the real thing over the years (Ha! Okay, I hoard). I think hoarding comes from the idea that we will have time to do everything we had in mind with all the stuff we have. It crowds out thoughts of today, since we have endless "unfinished business." It also causes us to feel that we have failed in some way, since we never seem to accomplish what we had in mind; it's all too much to really do. Fidgiting around with boxes and piles of junk wastes amazing amounts of time. You can get really good at sorting things for no particular reason.
But getting back to the dorm thing and why this relates to blogging...
I save because when I first encounter something, I have a response in mind. If I can respond immediately, like I did in the dorm, that is great. But people like me want to do a little more research (an exhaustive study, actually) and practically write a book, with pictures. Blogging gives me the opportunity to respond more quickly--not because I've done my homework, but because I have the illusion of audience. The ever-so-slight pressure of losing that audience causes me to process more things more quickly. You have an exaggerated sense of your own importance, but that doesn't seem to feel as strange as it used to, since so many others appear to as well.
Next, I will show you my biology notes from 8th grade.

Holiday Circlefest at University Circle

Photos Courtesy of Juan Quirarte

Well, Circlefest was fun. Most people who told me they wanted to go with me did not, but at least my buddy Carol & I had fun anyhow. Her husband actually thought no one would be there! Wow! He does not know Clevelanders so well. Most parking lots were full and by the end of the day, there were tons of people lining the sidewalk out in the cold, deep, beautiful snow, just to watch the lantern procession. It was way cool. A nice man gave his lantern to Carol, which made her day. She will use it in her art class.
There was no way to get into the Botanical Garden-- the line was too long. We looked at the CIA student art sale as well as the main exhibit there. We also took in the Church of the Covenant mini-tour, the Thwing Center gingerbread man decorating (and eating), bought some earrings and then saw the exhibit at CMA of the Arts & Crafts movement. VERY nice, but I must admit I was reaching sensory overload before I finished that. We ran into Glen & Juan, who were so kind to give us a ride to our car.
Next year, I bring my niece and nephews...

Life should be so simple

I still think it is okay to just get up, eat my cereal and go outside and play.

Snow

It has been snowing very heavily all day.

What a beautiful voice!

This morning I heard a version of "Heirloom," a popular Christmas song that has been out a year or two. Today, though, it was by a different singer, and it was absolutely breathtaking to hear her sing. I could hardly wait to hear who it was. Turns out, she is a local 17-year old girl in high school-- Ashley Nehmeh! Trapper Jack, from WDOK's morning show played this song last year on the show and was immediately swamped with phone calls. In one week, the family had sold 2000 copies of her cd. She shared the money with her sibs. The interview with her this morning revealed a lovely, gentle and Christian young lady. She has a Christmas album out now. The link above (What a beautiful voice) leads to info via the radio station. If you purchase through the station, a portion of the proceeds benefits the WDOK Feed-A Family Campaign. You can also link to her website (http://www.drnemeh.com/ashley.html) from which, if you scroll down far enough, you can access several more samples of her beautiful voice.

I am ALWAYS Ready to Polka

How many times at a wedding will you hear the DJ pull out a polka? Maybe they will play a polka, but it will probably only be the Beer Barrel polka, and very likely, a BAD recording of it. The other possibiliites are Pennsylvania Polka or the Too Fat Polka.
Well, if you are online, then you can hook up now, to www.polkajammer.com and expand your polka horizons! Enjoy!

Message to Self

Get a job. Put up the tree. Decorate the living room. Do your taxes. Lose weight. Enter your address list on the computer. Get a job. Clean the basement. Bake cookies. Polka dance. More later... when i fiinish that.

First Sunday in Advent at the Croatian Heritage Museum

Today, my friend Lisa invited me to attend the festivities at the Croatian Hall in Eastlake. It was so nice. They had wonderful music and dancing, beautiful exhibits filled with symbolism and meaning, hand crafts, slideshows, refreshments and more. Very nice event. Visit the museum if you are in the area.

Fellowship

There is nothing like good fellowship! I started attending a women's Sunday School at another church. Then I leave and go to our service.

I LOVE Mariachi Music!

Joya de Mexico

Cute Kids, are they not??

My nephews and niece just love the snow!

A way to keep in touch?

I hope to keep in touch with friends and relatives more, perhaps through this blog. Joining the millions who do this all the time...