Tuesday, November 15, 2011

What a day

I am really having to fight today. I feel like a failure about to fall off the end of the world. I am in the basement, on and off this computer, but still, again, working on clearing this place out. It seems like that is all I do, is purge. How can that be? If that is all I do, how come it never goes away? Well, it does get better and clears out. But I just want to get it to a "finished" state, where I am not completely surrounded by junk and boxes of Things Unfinished. After cleaning out the Things Unfinished, Things Not Paid For, Things Completely Ignored side, the Office, then I go to the other side of the room, my studio, which seems to be a monumental tribute to Lost Potential, Missed Opportunities and When You Used to Have a Life. Gee, I can hardly wait to dig in.
But the End of The World part is not the mess and all those Shame Departments, it's my Very Late Mortgage. There are lots of reasons, a few reasonable and many not. I don't want to move, don't want to lose my house, don't want to have more regret. But for now, I am sad.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Just a Tuesday Night

Crabby me.
We had the Jr. High Football Banquet tonight. I guess as those things go, we were told it was one of the best. The moms involved put it together. I was not involved as they seemed to get together on their own and did not get the word out until they needed money for the banquet. I never did see a roster of the players, even tho we ask every year. On the sidelines, just like Dustin. Regardless, he had a great time. It was nice to see all the guys sitting together, having fun. They had a good season. Trophies and certificates were given, speeches delivered on scholastics, pizza and pasta and cake served, all while the R&B was playing almost too loud for visiting. I was frustrated, as we got home way after bedtime and I hate it when you can't visit who you are seated with.
Then we cannot get to the tv fast enough, can we? I wish we would just come home and skip the tv and put on the music. And talk. I know if I requested it we could, but if only it was natural. So, I don't WANT to see NCIS and I come into the kitchen to be on the laptop.
I cleaned up and purged throughout the house. Now that it is my turn to get to the studio, I am back to working outside the house. For good reason, too, as we are late on the payments again. It is nerve-wracking. I am praying a lot.