I finally get to work around 3 and like to work as long as I can after that.
I get irritated if things get in my way, like cooking dinner or helping kids with homework.
In other words, I am kind of all for myself until I come to my senses and remember that I like my kids and care and want to be involved in their lives. I also like to cook. But I get messed up because I don't have a plan. Days with plans work out so much better.
I get irritated when other people don't value time, until I remember that I have days where nothing gets done.
The pressure of too many options has always been an issue for me.
Having a cubicle job has always helped me to distill what it is I had hoped to do with my time:
Travel Ohio. Get up in the morning, get in the car and drive to any number of interesting places within an hour or two, take photos, paint, blog, go home. It is silly that I get up and put off my shower and watch morning shows and eat a second breakfast when I could be sitting next to a river in an old steel town. Just writing about it makes me excited about finally doing it. I could do an excursion a week or an excursion a day-- I have the freedom. Instead, I feel obliged to clean a room, clean a floor, sort papers, clean the garage-- order my personal world instead of expanding it and responding to it.
Another thing I imagine I will do is get exercise and cook great stuff, but that usually only happens every so often.
It's 4 pm. I went to my Mom's group this morning, which was really wonderful, since connection with women of faith is big for me. We all seemed to be really happy to be back. I joined the group that is reading the book on Perfectionism! I feel it will help me break out of my "I'll be happy when" mentality which is so natural for me. I am also a dessert-last person and a you can only do that once you've done this kind of girl. I have to realize it constantly, since it is a curse I could put on my kids. I want them to be freer than that.
My studio is my home base for any of these little trips. I need it to be my place to respond and build and create. Right now, it is a dumping ground for my supplies and for the cats. I need a door built so the cats stay out. So now, I uncover windows and tables, trash old stuff, and get busy. Gene's making dinner.
