Wednesday, January 11, 2006

How Do You Show You Love Someone? How Do You Know You Are Loved?

I have a friend from Ohio U, Keith Wasserman*, who always signs his letters with the words "Love is a Verb." He's done this for as long as I've known him.
In youth group we used to sing a song called "Love is Something You Do" (It's not always something that you feel, but it's real).
One of my favorite popular Lists is Dr. Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages, where you ask yourself which language you like to use when you express love, ("1. Words of Affirmation; 2. Receiving Gifts; 3. Quality Time; 4. Acts of Service; 5. Physical Touch") thus finding out how you would best recognize love being communicated from others. I even bought the "teenager" version of the book, because I really want to figure out how my teenager shows love by being absent, and how I can effectively communicate love back to him as a stepmom. When kids just hide in their rooms all the time and stay online, it is hard to know what they think, who they are or what they like any more. (If our house was bigger, I would never have let the computer go into his bedroom.) When they do come out of their caves and they are either snippy or wordless, it is not exactly a visit where you feel you've connected. It leaves me feeling that either there is something I am doing wrong to bug him, something I am too aware of that will bug him because he feels guilty, or usually, just a dry, empty feeling that I no longer have a 'son.
Good thing he is 18. I know that it explains most of the problem.
God bless him.
* If you clicked on Keith Wasserman, when you get to the Good Works site then click on "What We Do" in the left-hand column. You will see a link to his story, his ministry to the homeless in Southeast Ohio and lots of other great things on that site. His page was in Frames so I could not link you right to him.

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