I have lots of books, but even more magazines. I don't read them because I need to respond to what I read or I have a mental overload. But while I have my moments of clarity, I think I will read all this stuff.
You ought to see all the great cookbooks I have, and I hardly cook. I prepare food, but that is about it. I WANT to cook and make cool and healthy things to eat, but I don't.
What I DO do, is arrange,
organize,
sort,
purge,
set up,
clean,
photograph,
share,
teach,
occasionally inspire,
motivate,
encourage,
improve,
want.
I want to work out, but I don't.
I have a hard time thinking clearly.
I hate my clothes, most of them, mostly because they don't reflect my taste. I am bothered on a daily basis that I am overweight as much as I am, but I don't take action.
I am very busy doing nothing important, until I am under pressure. Then, don't bother me. I will be busy doing unimportant things for quite awhile, and then I have very little time left to do what is important, so I am under pressure. I end up generally pleased with what I did under pressure, so I think I can do that at any time.
Then I don't. All this brings a pile of shame and discouragement after awhile, and I feel stupid. I seriously wonder who I am and what I am about anymore, but that is not a bad thing. I figure it helps us to get to those painful points now and then, because if we are sick enough of ourselves, we change. I just wish I would change faster.
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