Not liking it

I live a half-life.

If everything on your to-do list has to do with what you did not finish yesterday, last week, last year, last decade, you are not much in today. That is what is nice about having kids-- they force you into today's list. I am tempted to rush through it to "catch up," but I know it is no good. So I slog along with hair unkempt, socks unmatched, laundry undone, checkbook unbalanced, food unchopped, floor dirty, calls unmade, letters unwritten-- and carry the guilt and shame with me everywhere I go.

I am just doing something wrong. Still fat, still broke, still tired, still not been to Europe, still lonely. Yes, I am doing many more things right. And I do give so much of my time away. I've been working on my church anniversary slide show for 3 days. Gave up some sunny days out in the garden. Missed weeks of workouts. Trying to catch up with my teaching jobs, which are bringing in less than expected. Spend so much time driving people around, going to things at school, errands, etc. I have little time for work that makes money. Gee one more thing to feel bad about.